1.21.2007

a new day dawns...

and i wake with migraine still intact... i'd call it a nasty name, but this isn't CursingMama's crib and i don't want to confuse you. ;) so i took the strong stuff around 9:30 when i realized that no amount of sleep was going to cure me. i remembered that i'd heard what sounded like a snowplow a few hours earlier and the sound of somebody shoveling. perhaps the front moving in had triggered it. it often does.

i slept on fitfully and as i passed between sleeping and waking i would pay attention to my head... still pain? sometimes yes, sometimes no... and the side effects. (this med makes my body ache... it's like it takes the migraine and distributes it throughout the rest of my body in my muscles and throat. strange beast.) normal behavior there. and now as i sit here checking on messages from yesterday's post (thanks all, you are lovely) and returning phone calls (thank you, papa) things are progressing pretty much on schedule.

don't know if it will go away or not. stay away or not. i may have a rebound because that is often what happens. but i have stayed away from this med a lot lately as i was tired of the bounce back headache. what good is that?

so i'll continue with the day and see if i can work through it. a lot of people tell me if they bump into me out and about and figure out by catching that little glint in my eyes or the droop that sometimes happens in one of them or the darkness underneath that i have a migraine, that i should be home in bed with the shades pulled. but after 25 years (wow) now of having these buggers, i've figured out that for me, lying in bed just doesn't help. i don't feel any better and unless i'm at my low point (that happened around 11:30 pm yesterday and i was home with my cold pack in the dark) i just waste a lot of time if i'm lying around in bed.

but please remember that migraines are different for everybody. i know a lot of people who have to be in the dark for their entire migraine experience because they cannot function. i know someone who is sick to the stomach for a lot of his migraine. i have only had this happen to me three times. some people need the utter blackness because any light causes them so much more pain. some people need to be lying down. for me? lying down seems to cause even more pain.

do not judge us. migraine is real. and it can be a true nightmare. and it is a difficult thing to live through because none of us want to have them. we don't want to be missing out on pieces of life. your lives. our lives. we've seen the rolling eyes. we've heard the anger. we aren't trying to disappoint anyone but we know that we do. we disappoint friends, family, our children. we go from medication to medication in an attempt to find the next great cure. it's a difficult disease like any disease.

There are a number of places to visit on the web for more information about migraines if you have a loved one who suffers. The National Migraine Association has just one of them with a lot of information, like the information quoted here:

  • REALITY: MIGRAINE IS A DISEASE, A HEADACHE IS ONLY A SYMPTOM. IN ADDITION, THE CAUSE OF MIGRAINE PAIN IS THE OPPOSITE OF THE CAUSE OF HEADACHE PAIN.
  • REALITY: MIGRAINE IS A NEUROLOGICAL DISEASE, NOT A PSYCHOLOGICAL DISORDER.
  • REALITY: MIGRAINE CAN BE LIFE THREATENING, INDUCING SUCH CONDITIONS AS STROKE AND COMA.
  • REALITY: MIGRAINE IS ONE OF THE MOST MISDIAGNOSED, MISTREATED AND LEAST UNDERSTOOD DISEASES.

In my head: Maxwell's Silver Hammer from The Beatle's

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