An Instructional Piece...

Parents of future grads, please take notes...

  • Do not allow the folks at the gown companies to lull you into complacency about anything. There is no such thing as "Easy Attach" collars. That is a ridiculous concept. Easy Attach my a$$.

  • If you have allowed them to put you into this state of false confidence about your abilities to do your job as parent and "throw together" the graduate's uniform in a few quick minutes, do not save this job until the morning of graduation.

  • If you have not in the past, or in the present, had abilities such as would rival Martha Frickin' Stewart, do not think that you will awaken upon graduation morning with such abilities. You are dreaming.

  • When people ask you, "Is there anything that I can do to help you get ready for graduation?" the correct answer is, "Yes." Always yes. "Hell yes." Is also good. Dropping to your knees and grabbing their hands in yours and kissing their fingers, while freaking them out considerably, is not a bad gesture to throw in. Thank you to everyone in my life who has helped us reach this point.

Graduation is in t-minus 1 hour and 56 minutes. She is in the shower. I am in my underwear. TMI, I know.

As for that collar? After sweating it with the "Easy Attach" sticky tabs they sent for about an hour, cursing, nearly crying, calling out, "Who do they think I am? Martha Damn Stewart or something??? What IS this???" I finally ran to Wal-dink for safety pins to "do it right" ROFL. This way only took me about 7 minutes. Then Keli walked in the door from her breakfast with relatives, took one look at the beautiful masterpiece hanging there and said, "Oh Mom? We aren't wearing the collar that they sent with it."
  • So parents of future grads? Always ask your student to hand you the instructions the minute they walk in the door after their grad rehearsal. It might save you a little grief.

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