2.12.2005

Getting close!

Had a busy morning and am really exhausted. But I am so close to the end and I really want to finish this weekend and celebrate while Keith is home and be done prior to the actual Valentine's Day deadline, so I have to kick in with a couple of bigger runs today and tomorrow. *sigh* I was up late last night.

The dog had a bad day yesterday. It's funny. Just when I think he is better, as in - fully over the pancreatitus, he has a serious setback. I really didn't know if he would make it through the night the way he was acting yesterday in the late afternoon. He had this shallow breathing going on and then his breathing got rather rattly. He didn't seem to be in a lot of pain, but I upped the morphine a bit because the breathing made me wonder if it wasn't a shallow stress breathing thing because of pain and he was just not making pain noises.

Our baby...


I called Keith to find out how work was going and see if he would make it home in the evening. He was really stressed out. Things weren't going well there. He thought he'd have to work late and maybe even today. It didn't look good for his getting home until this afternoon. I didn't tell him how dire I thought things were for the dog. His dog. His buddy who helped him through these past few years since the brain tumor.

The reindeer boys


I talked to him again later. Much later. He said he was really tired but it looked like things were finally ramping down and he wouldn't have to work Saturday at all. So now he had to make the decision if he would try and drive home at night while he was tired or get up in the morning and drive home then while he was tired. I said, "If it was up to me, I'd tell you to do it tonight."

He was such a tiny thing when we brought him home. We were told he was the runt and wouldn't get very big... They lied.


So he thanked me for making the decision for him and packed his things and made the drive. He didn't get home until almost 2 in the morning. I had been working on cleaning and organizing the office and hauling old computer equipment to the basement and keeping an eye on the puppy. He was a lot better by that time but it was obvious this was not a normal pain attack. This was something much different. He'd had a couple of "coughing" attacks where it seemed he was trying to cough something otu of his lungs or something. His breath during those attacks smelled very "sick". His breathing was still very shallow. I noticed a hardness to his abdomen, maybe a lump under his ribcage. But the morphine had helped calm him. He was resting. And now Keith was home.

Jen, if you found any dog hairs in your scarf, Bear was trying it on for size...


I explained when he got home that I had been trying to get him there because Bear was in bad shape. I said if things weren't much improved by morning we were going to the vet. Which we did.

He's got soul-full eyes... (Porkchop indeed!)


Bear has a sizeable mass in his abdomen by the spleen. We pulled out the old x-rays of the area and had another look at them today with a more critical and wiser set of eyes now that we know about and can feel the new mass. The spleen back then (September) was very irregular and enlarged. There were a lot of strange things in his radiographs at the time and we all agreed to adopt a wait and see attitude at the time while we put him on antibiotics. Now looking at them, there is a noticeable whiteness to his lungs that could indicate metastes... The veterinarian now wonders if the pancreatitis could be a secondary effect of cancer or if the cancer could be a secondary effect of long term pancreatitis...

An oldie but a goodie


So today, while I do have a couple more names of people in the cue to run for, I hope you all will understand if I run for my Bear. We do not know for certain if the mass is even cancer. We won't know unless they do exploratory surgery (people feel these things must be considered at least if there is any chance) or needle biopsy of the mass. For the next few days we are keeping him as comfortable as possible with much more pain killers than before while decisions are made.

sorry for the grainy texture. old photo of a photo.


Friday's miles: 4.8
Total so far: 489.9
Still to go for goal: 10.1

I'll be back to post the miles.

This is one of Bear's favorite spots in the house because he can see the road, watch the bird feeders on squirrel patrol and keep me company while I'm at the computer.




Playing in my head: It's a Beautiful Day by U2

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