1.13.2005

Baby it's frigid out there.

Okay yeah, right now? It's Dogdamn cold. -10 with wind. Big wind. So there's a little thing called windchill. That's when it feels like it's even colder than the -10 it actually is. It really feels like -30 out there right now. Which to me? You might as well just call it -100 because it doesn't matter when it gets this cold what it is. Just cut my toes off, remove my fingers, apply the ice particles directly to my nose and pour water on my face as you blast the wind directly onto bare skin.

You want me to go where and do what? Turn up the heat on that electric mattress pad and give me another pair of socks. No, this one is for my hands. I'm not getting out of the bed for the next 24 hours. I can't even type after this post because my fingers are turning blue. Forget the septic system. I'm not getting out of bed to USE any of the water in the house. Water just sounds too cold. I need someone to find me an IV that will pump coffee directly into my veins.

This is me, signing off. See you in the spring. When I start to melt again. I really feel like I'm slowing down and going into hybernation mode tonight. The heater can't even keep up with the cold. But if you think I'm going to go out that patio door and get some wood to light a fire, or open the damper on the fireplace, you've got another thing coming, pal. Forget it. Heat later is not worth the frigidity now.

Hang onto your hats, Kath... I think this is coming your way!

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